You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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