I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
