you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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