can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
