I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I want to be your penis for a week.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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