am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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