i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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