A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
