at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
