I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
