so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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