You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
