I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
