Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
we're so committed to being not committed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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