i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
