I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
