You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
