if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
