Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
