plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Enjoy the penises
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
