People in love make me want to vomit
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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