I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
