I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
