why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
