My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
