She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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