he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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