Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
