Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
