you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
