I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
