You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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