hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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