And the cops told us we were all naked.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
