omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
