yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize