I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
