Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
