it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
