So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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