his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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