Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
