Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
