I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
