At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
