did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
