Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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