I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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