drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
