why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
