"it" just moved
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
