I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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