I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
