He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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