Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize