I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize