It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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