You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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