Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
