You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
