The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
