I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So many bounce houses so little time
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
