Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Come see our sink grown plant.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize