Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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