are you so shy because you have an std?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
