What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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