Your mouth is God's brothel.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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