There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
