were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
