I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
