im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
