Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
