Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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