I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
